battle of the bathtub

*flick* no light

*flick flick*

"that's odd," i muse aloud. the light in my bedroom doesn't turn on. being human, i must test it a few more times, to assert my humanity.

*flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick flick*

still nothing.

*flick flick flick flick*

half-blind i wander through my room, looking for light. finally, i find a small lamp and plug it in to the wall socket i can barely see by the dim light filtering through the slats of my window blinds.

the night is cold. the wind is still. a quiet surrounds the house.

when i turn the switch on the small lamp in my hands i feel a buzz and see a flicker before its weak light steadies. through the doorway my light reveals movement in the bathroom. but what could it be? i am alone here.

with faltering steps i shuffle toward the doorway to see what awaits me. something arrests my progress, it is the cord on my lamp. do i stop? do i press on to unknown horrors?

my curiosity pushes me forward, it hastens me to set down my light and press on. when finally i peer beyond the curtain, i let out a sigh of resignation. it is as a suspected: there is a zombie in my bathtub.

he does not move.

he sits there, watching me with a baleful glance.

he waits for me.

with lightning reflexes honed from years of fighting off these demons, i go for my one weapon against such beasts. the only thing i have at hand: water.

in moments, his corpse has shriveled into a pose i know can mean only death. it floats on the surface of the water and circles the drain. victory is mine. its warmth curls my lips into a sneering smile only seen at the demise of ones enemies.

thus victorious, i make to return to my lamp. to fix my light. to go to bed.

but what's this? what is that sound i hear coming from the drain? could it be?

i glance back. my nemesis is crawling from the pipe.

how can this be? i saw him....i saw his corpse.

i have again succumbed to the machinations of this vile beast. he feigns death to murder me in my sleep. he ruins my light and blames the bulb. is there no end to his trickery?

but i am wise. wiser perhaps than his last victim. it is a hope i hold dear as i turn to face him once again.

his claws tear at the porcelain as he tries to free himself from a watery death. the slick metal beneath him can offer no purchase. still he pushes, strains for freedom. were he not a zombie, i might be impressed.

and yet he and i cannot remain here together. so it is with grim determination i turn the water on again. its burning heat scalds him as his miserable carcass slips back into its final casket. the metal and soap and hair will trap him there. i put the final nail in his coffin, as it were; the plug slips into place with a final clink.

the bathroom is safe again. the bathtub is mine. no zombie will claim it this night for his own.

he will have no feast of brains.

i have defeated him and saved my small portion of the world from this one specimen of the plague that surrounds us. follow me, learn my story and benefit from it. they have won many times, we will will many more.

and by 'zombie' i mean spider.

crazy sauce

so i went to texas last week and while there we went to the beach.
we saw sand.
we saw rocks.
we saw shells.
we saw a lady drive into the ocean.
we saw birds.

what?

oh, we saw a lady drive into the ocean. yeah, it was....um...interesting. but i forgot my camera and haven't gotten the picture off my phone yet and i keep forgetting to make inge and jared send me pictures, so i drew you a diagram of what happened:

I know, it's really bad, but i am not the artist in the family, and i did what i could.

we still don't know why she did it. some thought maybe suicide or maybe drunk or maybe seizure/stroke. but seriously, no idea.

oh, and i forgot to mention that we saw the ocean.

sunday night

so i was laying in bed trying to get to sleep and it wasn't working.

i counted sheep.
i relaxed my whole body one muscle at a time.
i reviewed what i had to do for the week.
i checked my eyelids for holes.

nothing.

but then i started having one of those almost-dreams you get where it's mostly just your mind wandering freely. in this almost-dream i was going swimming. but wait! i hadn't shaved my legs. well, you can't go swimming without shaving your legs!

this thought drew me from my hallucination. that was why i couldn't sleep: my legs were hairy. i couldn't get to sleep at all. but i was awake, so i figured that i might as well get up and just shave and get it over with.

problem.

i couldn't get up!

seriously, i could not move! i tried and tried, but to no avail. and then i began to panic.

finally, i realized that i really was asleep. ah, that's why i couldn't move. phew! okay, i turned on the light next to my bed and went to sit up.

but wait.

i was still asleep!

so i fought my way to consciousness, turned on the light and...was still asleep!

by now i was just afraid that i wouldn't be able to wake up at all. what if i was dead and just didn't know it? three, four times i tried to fight my way through and at last, i made it!

yay for me!

wait.

i just actually woke myself up

so i could shave my legs and get back to sleep.

crap!

well...i might as well shave now that i'm actually awake. *shrug*

so i did. and then i went back to sleep. totally worth it!

surprise

i have lived in my apartment for about 4 months now. every time i go into my closet i think "why didn't they put a light in here?"

today while i was putting on my shoes i was standing in my closet when i started to fall (i'm kind of a klutz sometimes) so i reached out and grabbed the wall. and there i found the switch that has always been there. seriously, been there the whole time. i don't know how i missed it but there is totally a light in there.

unless the apartment managers installed it just to mess with me. you have to admit, it could happen.

okay, probably not.

christianna would be so proud...

on friday night i and my friend, richie, went to the fall fantasy masquerade ball to benefit uso. it was a lot of fun! we got there around 9 and stayed until 11, two hours of dancing and playing and making new friends and playing with old ones.

when we got back to my apartment my roommate, amber, was still awake (she'd been waiting for us since she spent most of the night alone). so i got out the ice cream and we all started watching brian reagan because...well, he's awesome and we don't need a reason.

the next thing i knew richie was getting up to leave and the dvd was finished.

that's right, i fell asleep.

on a date.

christianna is not the only sorensen to fall asleep on a date anymore. though i'm sure someone else has.

glasses

so, sometime last night i put my foot up on the back of the couch and i heard a clatter. it was my glasses. i opened my eyes, realized it was still way dark so i wouldn't need them. i went back to sleep.

when i woke up to flynn, i decided to wait on finding my glasses until after he'd had breakfast. so after he was fed, i looked behind the couch to see if i could find my glasses. hmm. not there. maybe they went under the edge. i couldn't get the angle right to look. okay. i moved the rug and pulled the couch out. i still couldn't see them. maybe that was because they were my glasses. around this time flynn decided he wanted to help so i brought him over the end of the couch with me. i went out to the front of the couch thinking that i might be able to see them.

so then i hear flynn, "i see it!"

hmmm. this could mean one of two things. either he sees my glasses, or he wants to see them. right around then, cami wakes up and i make her go look. she didn't see them. and then i have this brilliant idea that maybe i didn't put my glasses on last night. i went to my luggage and looked. there were my glasses.

what i heard, i still don't know. but i put the couches and rug back and then proceeded to feel like an idiot.